turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
