omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
