Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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