I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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