How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
