i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
