Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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