You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
