a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
