I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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