You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
