The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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