"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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