so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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