you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
