my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
