i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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