hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
