If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
