I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
