I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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