I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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