i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
