You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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