Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
