I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
