I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
