can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
