Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
