think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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