I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why do cheetos always look like penises
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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