butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
