remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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