Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
