He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
