We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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