I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
