I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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