I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
