i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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