I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
