omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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