My nipple is on Facebook.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
