The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
