one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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