He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
