I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
