Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
