Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
