i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
