I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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