I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
