I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
