I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
