u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
