dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
