does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
