Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
