Got a toothbrush?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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