the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
